Buster's All-Star Birthday Bonanza (Part 1)
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: Buster has a boy's day out with RK and Wade while celebrities from all over send their best wishes to the birthday boy.


_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide The Day

SEASON 1

EPISODE 14

Segway Segment: Fans of the show wish Buster a happy birthday on Tout

Airdate: July 5, 2013

Title: Buster's All-Star Birthday Bonanza (Part 1)

Special Guest Stars: Conan O'Brien as Himself, Maia Mitchell as Herself, the Beastie Boys (Adam "Ad-Rock" Horovitz and Michael "Mike D" Diamond) as Themselves, Alyssa Milano as Herself

SCENE 1

The MacDougal Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

Sparky is putting the finishing touches on Buster's birthday cake.

RK: Do I smell peanut butter and vanilla ice cream?

SPARKY: Yup. It's for Buster's ninth birthday.

RK: He's in fourth grade, and he's turning nine now? I know I should have asked this years ago, but what the hell happened?

SPARKY: Well, Buster was such a good student in pre-K, he skipped kindergarten entirely and went straight to first grade. Then he got left back so that's how you and I met him.

RK: Oh yeah. Wait, Buster was the best student in the class?

SPARKY: I know, right. But when it came to pre-K, nobody napped and crapped themselves better than Buster.

RK: Now THAT makes sense.

(Wade comes in the back door with his iPad)

WADE: Hey guys. Look who wanted to wish Buster a Happy Birthday.

(Sparky and RK are shocked to see it's Conan O'Brien)

SPARKY: Oh my God, Conan?

CONAN O'BRIEN: That's right.

RK: I cannot believe this. Wait, you know Wade?

CONAN O'BRIEN: Yeah. We met at a convention in Yakima once. All I can say is that what happens in Yakima, stays in Yakima.

(Wade gives Sparky and RK a sly smile and licks his lips)

SPARKY: Wade, are you kidding me?

RK: DUDE, THAT'S GAY! So, Conan, what should we tell Buster?

CONAN O'BRIEN: What do you think, tell him Obama's ears are too big? Tell him I wish him a damn happy birthday!

RK: Hey, don't get out of hand with me, asswipe!

CONAN O'BRIEN: You're the asswipe. Your show is a piss stain on anybody that has ever wanted to make a cartoon.

RK: YOUR SHOW IS A PIECE OF SHIT!

CONAN O'BRIEN: Even if it is, at least you can pick it up and throw it away. You, on the other hand, we'll always remember and have to look at your piss stain of a show!

RK: Wade, take this little (bleep) back to your house. And you were NOT funny at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner!

CONAN O'BRIEN: Yeah, but at least I was able to make people laugh in a half-hour!

(RK has a "I'm gonna destroy this nigga" look on his face)

(Wade shuts the door)

CONAN O'BRIEN: That kid was always an asshole to me. And why did you make them think you were gay?

WADE: I was testing them to see how stupid they were.

CONAN O'BRIEN: Wade, that's why you were always my favorite.

(Wade smiles and heads back home)

RK: Is our show a piss stain?

SPARKY: Probably. What do you think of the cake?

RK: "Happy Birthday Buster." Kind of straightforward, don't you think?

SPARKY: Eh, you cannot take away from the visual aesthetic of the cake. Green and purple frosting, with peanut butter and vanilla ice cream inside.

RK: Yeah, I think it's pretty good. What should I do now?

SPARKY: Treat Buster to a day out on the town. Kind of like a bachelor party.

RK: But it's just the two of us and there's no party.

(long pause)

SPARKY: RK, JUST DO WHAT I ASKED YOU TO DO!

RK: OK, cranky. What are you going to do?

SPARKY: Well, I'm going to have to keep this cake under wraps until the party. But there's a _Clarissa Explains It All_ marathon on, so I'll guess I'll just do that.

RK: Dude, that show is boring.

SPARKY: Look who's talking, Mr. I Watch _Rugrats_.

RK: Hey, that show was good! See ya.

SPARKY: See ya, Fergwad.

(RK has an offended look on his face, then shuts the door)

SCENE 2

The Westboro Complex

Seattle, Washington

Exterior Entrance

(Buster is leaving the building when he sees RK in a suit and tie)

BUSTER: What the hell...

RK: Amazing. You look sexier than me, birthday boy.

BUSTER: RK, what is this?

RK: I'm here to treat you to a boy's day out, in honor of your birthday.

BUSTER: Oh, that's sweet. Thanks RK. Where are we going first?

(a smaller version of RK appears on his shoulder)

RK: What the...a mini RK?

MINI RK: You should take Buster to Chuck E. Cheese's. He is in love with that place.

RK: That's a great idea. (Mini RK poofs away) Buster, let's go to Chuck E. Cheese's.

BUSTER: AWESOME! I'll grab my wallet.

RK: God, I'm in love with him.

WADE: RK?

RK: I'M NOT GAY IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING! Oh. Hey Wade.

WADE: RK, what's with the suit and tie?

RK: I wanted to attract Buster sexually. I'm like a little Justin Timberlake.

(RK sings the chorus to "Suit And Tie" by Justin Timberlake featuring Jay-Z)

(long pause)

WADE: OK? Anyway, Sparky told me you were going to spend the day with Buster. So I was hoping that I could tag along.

RK: Sure. It's not like you were going to have a highlight of the day anyway.

WADE: Hey, I don't stay cooped up in my house all day like Jaylynn. And that's not the only reason why I came here. Another celebrity wanted to wish Buster a happy birthday.

MAIA MITCHELL: I wouldn't call myself a celebrity. At least not yet.

RK: Wait a minute. Maia Mitchell?

MAIA MITCHELL: Well yeah. Unless you thought I was the newest member of One Direction.

(crickets chirping)

RK: Was that supposed to be funny?

MAIA MITCHELL: Well, was it? Some people say I'm not that witty.

RK: No, it wasn't funny at all.

WADE: Those people aren't wrong about you.

(Maia raises her eyebrow)

BUSTER: OK, guys, I have my wallet and...Wade, you're tagging along?

WADE: Definitely. And I think a certain Australian wants to tell you something.

MAIA MITCHELL: Hey Buster, have a great ninth birthday.

BUSTER: Thank you so much. You guys got Maia Mitchell to wish me a happy birthday?

WADE: Well, she's a fan of the show. Unlike Conan O'Brien. By the way, he said happy birthday too.

BUSTER: Conan wished me a happy birthday? This is going to be the best day of my life!

WADE: Thanks Maia. I'll chat with you later if you're not busy.

MAIA MITCHELL: Sure. Talk to you later.

(Maia blows a kiss and leaves Facetime)

WADE: Raise your hand if you're in love with Maia Mitchell.

(all three boys raise their hands, and Buster raises both his hands)

SCENE 3

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

SPARKY: What song should I listen to? "Power Trip" by J. Cole or "Paper Thin" by MC Lyte? I do like the Lyte, but "Power Trip" is more relatable.

("Paper Thin" by MC Lyte plays in the background)

SPARKY: Hey, Dave, what the hell is going on?

DAVE: I don't know. Someone just started playing it.

SPARKY: Uh, whatever.

(Sparky starts lip-syncing the lyrics to "Paper Thin," but he hears rustling in the kitchen)

SPARKY: Wait...what's that?

(Sparky goes into the kitchen and sees Bitch Clock eating Buster's cake)

SPARKY: BITCH CLOCK MACDOUGAL, WHAT THE (BLEEP) ARE YOU DOING?!

BITCH CLOCK: I'm desserting.

SPARKY: How you can be deserting? You're just eating birthday cake.

BITCH CLOCK: No, "desserting" is my new word. It means to eat dessert.

SPARKY: OK, whatever. But that dessert was Buster's birthday cake!

BITCH CLOCK: Buster's birthday is coming up?

SPARKY: No shit, Sherlock. His birthday is in two days!

BITCH CLOCK: Wow. Well, gotta run.

SPARKY: Not so fast, you little cake-eating bastard. I think it's time for you to be punished.

BITCH CLOCK: Really? What are you gonna do? Force me to watch _Reading Rainbow_?

(Bitch Clock laughs up a storm while Sparky's face turns red)

(We now see Sparky locking up a cabinet)

BITCH CLOCK: Don't you think you're being a little bit hasty?

SPARKY: Bitch Clock, you might have ruined my best friend's birthday party. So I'm going to teach you what it means to have something taken away from you. Say goodbye to your booze until Monday.

BITCH CLOCK: Are you kidding me? I NEED MY WINE, MY VODKA, MY BEER, MY WHISKEY, MY CHAMPAGNE, ALL OF IT!

SPARKY: Look, on Monday, you can drink until your guts explode. But you've been pushing me for years and I'm sick of it! Now go back upstairs, you asshole!

(Bitch Clock leaves to go upstairs)

SCENE 4

Chuck E. Cheese's

Seattle, Washington

Interior Playroom

It's as loud as loud can be here at Chuck E. Cheese's. But Buster is having the time of his life in the ball pit.

(loudly) WADE: Is this a kid's restaurant, or Arrowhead Stadium?

(loudly) RK: I don't know anymore. But we have to give Buster the best day ever since his birthday is coming up. It's like a bachelor party!

(loudly) WADE: But there's only three of us and there's no party!

(RK stares at Wade angrily)

(loudly) WADE: I'll shut up.

(loudly) RK: Good for you. You've learned something today.

("It's Gonna Be Me" by *NSYNC playing on RK's phone)

WADE: Dude, that's your ringtone?

RK: You know I'm in love with *NSYNC.

WADE: Yeah, but...

RK: Talk to me. Oh, hey, Sparky.

SPARKY: RK, I need you to buy a cake similar to the one I made for Buster.

RK: What happened to the one you made?

SPARKY: Bitch Clock ate it.

RK: Wow.

WADE: What's going on?

RK: Bitch Clock ate the birthday cake Sparky made, so we have to buy a new one.

WADE: Hang on a minute. We can't have Buster see it.

RK: You're right. Sparky, Wade and I are on the case.

(RK hangs up)

WADE: RK, we can't let Buster see that cake.

RK: I know. That's a major party foul. You know what, when we get to the bakery, you take Buster across the street.

WADE: You want me to stall?

RK: Of course. You stall like a king. Like when we babysat Mr. Greenwald's son.

MR. GREENWALD: RK, did my son take his medication?

RK: Yes. Yes he did.

SEAN: Daddy, I feel sick.

MR. GREENWALD: RK...

WADE: Sean, you shouldn't have taken more pills than prescribed, you little goober.

MR. GREENWALD: RK, you little asshole. You're lucky.

(to the camera) RK: That's why he's the king of stalling.

SEGWAY SEGMENT

(voiceover) SPARKY: Hey everybody. It's Sparky MacDougal here. This weekend, we celebrate Buster's ninth birthday. And we're more than happy that YOU, the fans, have sent your best wishes for him. We asked you on Tout to make a video wishing Buster a Happy Birthday. And you responded in spades. Here are some of them.

RK: This one came from Richard in Newport, Rhode Island.

RICHARD: Yo, what's up, guys? Buster is so damn funny and I wish him a kick-ass happy birthday.

WADE: This one came from Heather in San Diego, California.

HEATHER: Happy birthday Buster, can't wait until you turn nine. Much love from us in San Diego.

SPARKY: This one comes from Raymond in Indianapolis, Indiana.

RAYMOND: I love _Thank You, Heavenly. _And I love Buster. So happy birthday to the King of Drinks.

BUSTER: I'm a very complex man...

SPARKY: Happy Birthday Buster. You can see more Touts on our official website, and send more throughout the weekend. You might see yours in one of the episodes. Let's continue with tonight's episode.

SCENE 5

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

SPARKY: Time to send out invitations for Buster's party. With his approval. (Sparky winks at the camera)

("Power Trip" by J. Cole playing in the background)

Sparky sends out invitations to a who's who of guests. Notables include Will, KG, Halley, Sanna, Ashley, Alicia, Travis, Jaylynn, and Metallica frontman James Hetfield (who declined the invitation for unknown reasons).

SPARKY: "Dear Mr. MacDougal, on behalf of Metallica..." Oh, (bleep) you.

SCENE 6

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Interior Dining Room

Seattle, Washington

RK: So. I hear that Rob Van Dam is returning at Money In The Bank.

WADE: RK, we all know he's returning. He's in the Money In The Bank All-Stars Match.

(long pause)

RK: OK, Inspector Gadget. Why don't you come up with interesting conversation?

WADE: Well, I found out that when Biz Markie released _I Need A Haircut_ in 1991, he was sued by Gilbert O'Sullivan for an unauthorized sample. (chuckling) And guess what?

BUSTER: Wade, will this story make me kill myself?

WADE: What happened was...(stifling a laugh) a law was passed that all hip-hop samples had to be cleared or face CRIMINAL PROSECUTION!

(Wade bursts into tears until he collapses from laughter)

RK: So, Buster, how has your day been so far?

BUSTER: Great actually. I've never gotten to make my own drink here.

RK: What did you make anyway?

BUSTER: The Buster Newman Cold-Crushing Casualty. Canada Dry ginger ale with Mountain Dew.

RK: Say it again. In a sexy way.

BUSTER: Do you want an ice cube down your throat?

RK: Baby, not in public. You dirty dog. (RK barks and smiles)

BUSTER: I'm just going to go back to slurping.

WADE: RK, when are you going to the bakery?

RK: When we're done here. And look, Buster is having so much fun.

(pretending to be drunk) BUSTER: Hey, waiter, do you have any diet water?

WAITER: Diet water? Are you kidding me?

BUSTER: Do I look like I'm kidding you?

(Buster has a big, stupid grin)

WAITER: Just drink your beverage. (muttering) Retard.

BUSTER: Hey, hey, I heard that. Come back here so I can kick your ass.

WADE: Hey Buster, look who wants to wish you a happy birthday.

AD-ROCK: Hey Buster.

MIKE D: Greetings Mr. Newman.

BUSTER: Are you kidding me? The Beastie Boys?!

AD-ROCK: Yes, and don't you forget it. Buster, we love you, we think you're awesome, and we wish you a happy birthday.

MIKE D: Just to make sure, Ad-Rock stole all that from me. I write the birthday messages.

AD-ROCK: Hey, screw you, man. I care more about this than you do.

BUSTER: Thanks guys. R.I.P. MCA.

MIKE D: Thank you so much, Buster. You actually remind me a lot of MCA.

AD-ROCK: Yes, he was a caring, helpful individual, and we can see those qualities in you.

BUSTER: Wow, you guys are awesome.

MIKE D: Just at a curiosity, who's more awesome? It's me, right?

AD-ROCK: Oh, don't flatter yourself, Michael. I'm obviously the awesome one.

MIKE D: I've been the personification of awesome since 1986. I had a Volkswagen emblem hanging from my neck!

AD-ROCK: Dude, you were copying Run-DMC with that gold chain thing!

(long pause)

MIKE D: I'll chat with you one of these days, Wade.

WADE: Got it.

(Mike D leaves Facetime)

SCENE 7

Space Needle Baked Goods

Interior Bakery

Seattle, Washington

BUSTER: What are we doing here at the bakery?

RK: I just, uh...wanted to say hello to Kent. Pick up a treat.

WADE: Buster, let me take you to Modell's.

BUSTER: Cool! I want a Russell Wilson jersey!

WADE: You have enough Seahawk jerseys!

RK: Kent, baby, I need a peanut butter-vanilla ice cream cake for Buster, with green-and-purple frosting.

KENT: Sure, Ryan. 20-25 minute wait.

RK: I hope Wade can stall for long. "Happy Birthday Alicia & Divine."

KENT: Oh yeah. That's for the Gajraj-Williams party.

ALICIA: Oh, man, that looks good. Hey RK! How has your summer been so far?

RK: Could be better, but good so far. You better make sure your party is live.

ALICIA: Well, Divine's in charge of entertainment.

RK: Did he really call Lady Gaga's people?

ALICIA: Yeah. Her schedule is crazier than you think. Well, see you at the party.

RK: See you. Damn, she's adorable, isn't she?

KENT: What, you have the hots for her?

RK: No way. Why, did she ask about me?

WADE: OK, but, I don't know. He might cause a scene.

ALYSSA MILANO: Yeah, but he deserves to talk to me on his birthday weekend.

WADE: OK, but if anything happens, it's on you.

ALYSSA MILANO: I'll take that responsibility.

WADE: Um, Buster, another birthday message.

BUSTER: Well, if it's Seth Green, tell him I have SARS.

WADE: I don't think SHE will believe you.

BUSTER: No...you couldn't...

ALYSSA MILANO: Hi Buster. Happy birthday.

BUSTER: IT'S MY CELEBRITY CRUSH, ALYSSA MILANO!

(Buster faints)

WADE: See. I told you.

ALYSSA MILANO: Should I try again later?

WADE: I would.

SCENE 8

The MacDougal Household

Seattle, Washington

Exterior Sidewalk

RK: So you never told me what happened at Modell's.

WADE: Me and another customer gave Buster uninterrupted CPR.

RK: So the owner or the cashier didn't call 911? That's so shitty!

WADE: It was just a mild case. Took 20-25 minutes.

(RK stares at the camera)

BUSTER: I can't believe Alyssa Milano wished me a happy birthday. This has been an absolutely amazing day!

RK: And it just gets better with the big day on Sunday.

WADE: RK, we'll wait for you and Sparky out here.

BUSTER: Where are we going?

WADE: Alicia & Divine's birthday party.

BUSTER: Oh, I thought they didn't invite me.

WADE: Alicia invited you, buddy. She forced Divine to let you come.

(disappointed) BUSTER: Oh.

SPARKY: Wow, RK, everything looks identical. Although the ice cream is layered on the peanut butter.

RK: Oh, baby cakes won't notice.

SPARKY: Hey, RK, how sweet is this cake?

RK: It's so sweet, you get a cavity just by LOOKING at it!

SPARKY: This cake is so sweet, my grandma wants to pinch its cheeks anytime she sees it.

RK: This cake is so sweet, instead of girls having Sweet 16 parties, they have Cake 16 parties.

SPARKY: This cake is so sweet, we just stole lines from _ Austin & Ally._

(Sparky and RK start laughing)

RK: Let's go to the party.

SPARKY: Oh, OK.

(Sparky turns off the light and leaves with RK)

(Bitch Clock walks down to eat the cake)

SPARKY: Bitch Clock, if you even touch that cake, you'll be shocked with 300 bolts of static electricity.

BITCH CLOCK: Cake doesn't conduct electricity, dumbass.

SPARKY: I've laced with you a red Band-Aid that goes off whenever you do something wrong.

(Bitch Clock runs back upstairs)

SPARKY: That's right, asswipe.

(Sparky shuts the door)

TESTICULAR SOUND EXPRESS: Now it's time for...

STEVE SONGS: Yoo-hoo!

KIDS: Music Time!

STEVE SONGS: With Steve Songs.

("Birthday Cake" by Rihanna featuring Chris Brown playing in the end credits)

©2013 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS


End file.
